I kinda freak out when I dissociate

Idk, title says all? It starts to happen and immediately my stomach goes HEY NOW HOLD ON THERE and I’m all stressed not knowing what’s gonna happen while I’m gone. Sometimes if we’re in a nice place like outside on a good day, it’s not so bad. But driving? Cooking?? Let me focus please???

One time a few years ago (while on a medication that made everything worse), I (we) apparently worked 2 weeks I have no recollection of, at a job I hated so much I walked out mid-shift. I could not tell you a single thing that happened during that timeframe. By the time I was aware of how long I’d had the job, my hair had changed color like 3 times and apparently I “talked A LOT” according to my friends. Like I know it happened but I wasn’t present for it.

I still mess up the I and We thing, I think I’ll probably do it forever. There are worse mistakes to make ig. Oh my god I got so off topic.

The point being that when I don’t have a solid grasp on what exactly is going on around me, it almost stresses me out as much as the thing I’m dissociating to get away from. That’s all. Lmao