First post here

I’ll start by saying some of us like people and some of us don’t. Actually, I might be the only one in my system who actually can stand some of them. I’m indigo, I’m the host of the Technicolor system. But if we switch out, you’ll probably never know, as we don’t bother indicating if it happens. Due to the dislike of people, yk. 

I think I would like to have more system friends, it’s wild enough that I already have one, but I don’t want to commit to anything like a support group. Not that those really exist where I love.

I have a boyfriend I’ve been dating for 2 years which is the longest relationship we’ve had by basically 2 years. He doesn’t know about the system, and I have literally no idea when, how, or even if I’m going to tell him. Not that he wouldn’t  support me, but I don’t think he really would get it, I think he would say I seem regular in the outside and then maybe try and relate to my experience with his own somehow, which I don’t think he’ll succeed at. So I might as well avoid that conversation for now.

I think everyone in my system likes him, Matt maybe feels a little jealous of him for being a man physically, Lola is.. uhhhh… I think she’d eat him alive, in a good way. And starboy likes most of the people I like, since he helps me pick them out.

For like years I thought I was making it up. Even now, as I write this, my alarm bells are going off that everyone else is being real and I’m just fabricating fleshed out personalities in my head that I just sometimes pretend to be. But I’ve heard that’s what the disorder does, it makes you think you’ve made it up, despite the many times I can think of where it definitely showed itself both to me and to people I know. Particularly my system friend has been saying since like 2018 that it was happening. 

Sometimes I double space paragraphs bc I’m used to mobile reddit being broken as shit and having to do that.

Anyway I don’t know how often I’ll post here or if I’ll stay (I was on the discord but I made a fool of myself after misreading someone’s posts and was so embarrassed I immediately left LMAO).

That’s all ????