T-E-C’s meat wagon is not the healthiest – we have Diabetes, COPD, Pulmonary Hypertension, Sleep Apnea, Asthma…. the list goes on. The last few months, we’ve been getting our asses kicked. Some days our oxygen levels suck; some days our blood sugar sucks… and our sleep apnea is out of control.
For the past few months, we’ve slept, on average, 16 – 22 hours daily. Our job is incredible, and it lets us work our hours whenever possible as long as we finish our work. The last few months have entailed every ounce of spare energy going to work or doctor visits. There just have been no extra spoons or fucks to give, which is why we haven’t been active here or on Discord.
That finally came to a head about two weeks ago when we found we could Simply. Not. Work. We’ve been falling asleep at our desk, on the toilet, and pretty much everywhere else. We can’t stay awake. Part of that is low oxygen – even wearing our supplemental O2 we’ve had some really bad days.
This week we officially asked for two weeks off, until we see our pulmonologist again on the 5th. Then we’re going to make an educated decision on what to do. Right now, we’re unable to work. It may be time to go on disability. Or, hopefully, two weeks of rest does wonders. <laugh>
We’re waiting on some test results to find out just how fucked we are. Our pulmonologist is out until the 5th, and while we see him 9 a.m. on the first day he’s back in the office, that’s a long fucking wait when you are dealing with some potentially bad news. His office won’t release the results early.
On top of all this, and somewhat because of it, we’ve also been … reconfiguring… as a system. Earlier in the week, we had a new alter form. We also seem to be going through a reshuffle in the host department. It’s a very confusing and stressful time.
Really, in many ways, it would be a relief to find out we’re fucked and dying. What’s scary is that we could live a long time while continuing to have our health deteriorate. How will we support ourselves? Who will care for us? Our current caregiver is our mom, who is 80. That isn’t going to last forever. We already need help with shopping, cooking, cleaning, and, to some degree, even showering… yeah, we’re a lot sicker than we let most people know.
What does this mean for the site? We honestly don’t know yet. We’re more concerned about the possibility of needing a tracheostomy in the next few months! That said, this site’s server is under contract through February 2025 – our 50th birthday month. It’s possible we could become too ill to keep it maintained, but we’ll try to keep it up as long as possible. Still, if you have irreplaceable writings on this site, making an off-site backup of them would probably be wise.
Oh, and for the curious, no, we never smoked. Our father was a chain smoker, though, and we were exposed to industrial solvent fumes in poorly ventilated areas as a child as well. We’ve had breathing problems our entire life – just another gift from the parental unit.
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Responses
I’m so sorry y’all are going through this. This is all so awful. Please get as much rest as you can and let us know if there’s anything at all we could help with. I hope that the news you receive is good news and that you get it soon.